My Body 🍖

What is appealing about a body? Something to sell. The folds of skin on skin. Freckles. Moles. Tiny hairs and lines. A body is an ugly thing. The bodies around us are disgusting and alive. A picture of a body is still and posed. Perfected. We want to be cars. Hard and rigid and symmetrical.

I'll never be able to articulate how much I hate my body. It's a Correct Feeling.

People have nightmares about looking like me after their second kid. They use the fear as motivation. It's a prison of gelatinous substance that I've been suspended in; like a fruit in a vintage jello dessert. It would be gross how it would slosh around with the force of being shaken or stabbed. They have those slowmotion cameras to capture jelly mannequins getting shot and it would be like that.

It's not acceptable. It just isn't, and I won't accept lies. I don't know how to stop it; other than money. Even then, there's no way to go back. The guilt weighs on me no matter what.