On Marriage 💍
It's always been difficult finding my personal feelings about marriage.
Is it —
👼🏻 selfless, that I would give so much of myself to someone,
👑 egotistical, that I want to posess someone so archaically,
🥺 pathetic, that I'm willing to subjugate myself to someone...?
Obviously, the way I was raised, it was the Gold Standard of life. I admit there's appeal in the sense of legitimacy it gives your long-term relationship. It would be stabilizing. It would make me feel mature.
Getting married could be pragmatic. I've talked about that with partners before. It would take the pressure off to know it was just about taxes or health coverage and not the stregth of my commitment. I fear the expectations could be too much. I don't know if I have enough to offer. Isn't it a type of investment; both time and money, at the end of the day?
I'm concerned that after several years the sexual habituation would be too emotionally painful. I've had relationships before that were over a year, and I guess it wasn't that bad. It would make me wistful to be denied even the possibility of more sexual experiences. That thought, of course, makes me feel disgusting. Shallow.
There's also a part of me that really fears being "tied down". A general fear of losing personal agency.