On Being Non-Binary 💛🤍💜🖤
When I learned that non-binariness existed, I thought "oh cool, that's me". It just made sense. It was a discovery, not a choice. I didn't know there was a word for it. I thought I was broken. Like a waffle that thinks it's a horrible pancake because it doesn't know that waffles exist.
I wonder if i had a name like Jamie or Erin if I'd ever feel the need to acknowledge it with a name change; which makes it obvious, and of course if i was still in the dark I'd just keep feeling confused. But my government name feels so entirely wrong. I've always felt lost in it; like it's an itchy dress I'm stuck in. It's what my mom wants, and as I get older I'm able to separate her views from reality.
I struggled with old pictures of myself because I heard my mom's voice in my head. She said it loudly all the time, along with "girl" and little jabs like "pretty". I loved when Jake told me that I'm pretty, because he knows me. I know how he meant it. Pretty as myself. I want to be pretty sometimes.
I like being called "they". It feels like fresh, unscented air. It feels like coming home and taking off a backpack at the end of a long school day. Like "ah yes I'm here, hello".
Davey is very good.