On Abuse 🧨

People can be conditioned to follow, expect, and play into the cycle of abuse. This makes them easier "targets". These are the types of people who need to stay single after a relationship ends because they are vulnerable without recovering.

Honeymoon Phase

People can be primed for accepting this as normal by having unrealistic expectations from what they've been taught about "romance". Past abusive relationships can also leave a person vulnerable to ignoring red flags in a relationship that seems to be starting off so well. They may be craving the sense of safety the new abusive partner is giving them.

Tension-building Phase

The abuser keeps their partner on a tight leash, walking on eggshells

People can be conditioned to expect unreasonable tension in interactions with their partner.


The abuser "acts out" with emotional, physical, or sexual violence.

Past relationships can prime a person to accept occational or more low-key abusive treatment; the kind of subtle bullying that can be easily played off around others. Abusers test the waters to see what their partner will put up with.

Notes On Gaslighting

Gaslighting has become a buzzword, which is unfortunate because it is a very specific and dangerous form of abuse.

Gaslighting is telling a person they don't feel their feelings or don't mean what they say. Denying basic, objective facts ("you don't really feel that way", "you don't mean that", "I wasn't late", "you never told me that")

Gaslighting is not just expressing a different opinion on an issue, or having different feelings about the same situation.

Mocking a person's response to a situation is also not gaslighting, it's just classic bullying. Of course, all forms of bullying have the same goal ‒ siphoning power from the victim to the abuser.